Hey,
Well I'm back, little bit of a delayed one I know but things have been a bit busy at work and they've only just started to wind down, not a moment too soon.
I trust you all had an enjoyable, memorable(or not depending on the amount of alcohol consumed) New Years. Mine was spent at a british club full of Egyptian girls letting their hair down Western style and old English drunks who really should know better. I managed to avoid the temptation of being one of those guys and stayed away from the booze all night. I was with two guys who didn't follow me down that road and I must admit it was amusing watching someone else stutter around the dancefloor cozying up to the nearest girl available attempting to grind away to Timberlake only to be rebuffed on a continuous basis.
Though looking at this from a serious point of view a sober eye really exposes the stupidity of those around you who have indulged in one too many. This i'm sure has been the thoughts of many a designated driver looking over my past behaviour. In fact i'm pretty certain i made even the drunk people with me think like that. But anyway I'm pleased to say that I haven't touched alcohol for three and a half months and more importantly, I haven't missed it. Whether that is still the case once I've spent a few minutes in the company of you reprebates will be an altogether trickier task.
Anyway I touched on it a bit earlier but work has been seriously fucking stressful the past month culminating in a bit of a set too with my co-ordinator who I have no problems calling a total fucking bitch at this time! Basically they forgot to give me a few ridiculously vital forms and pieces of information at the beginning of the year. This culminated in the students missing out on some work they needed to know before the mid year exams. This was solved no problem, but what got to me was the fact I was thrown to the lions that are the mothers so the school avoided any accusations of their own incompetency. It wasn't very fun for me though, when it comes to angry Egyptian mothers, I'd prefer to take my chances with real lions. The justice in it all is she was taken to task by the School director about it and has been sporting a permanent scowl on that butters face of hers ever since. The downside is she clearly blames me and this means I am going to seriously have to watch my back for the next few months and not make any mistakes. Which is going to prove difficult.
In other school news you will probably find it hilarious to know i am the subject of some schoolgirl crushes. Why you may ask? well i do consider myself to be the coolest teacher in the school so i think that certainly helps. Seriously though there are a group of 14 year olds i am having to avoid and one 12 year old. she is sweet so i dont forsee any problems with that one, the type of girl you'd like your daughter to be personality wise. However the 14 year olds are a bit more dangerous. I'm sure i dont need to remind you what sort of thoughts raced through your head at that age. I've already turned down a facebook request and have had to tighten up my personal security on that website. I dont think they are bunny boilers or nothing but you have to be careful when it comes to young girls feelings. A friend of mine told me that her colleague in Tanzania had a student unbotton her shirt in front of him! Thankfully no incidents like that have occured here.
On the social aspect of things I went to see the Cairo football derby a few weeks ago. I dont want to say too much as i've discovered you never know who could be reading this but i'm afraid it wasn't as enjoyable as I'd anticipated. My friend was refused entry as he had a camera and i have no pictures for you for that reason. my scarf was confiscated at the gate and a flag that i bought two minutes before was snatched off me and put in the rubbish tip along with thousands of others. As I said I wont say anymore but it definitely has put me off attending anymore, or at least any as high profile as that one. Al Ahly and Al Zamalek were the teams by the way.
I've also decided to take my arabic a lot more seriously, everyone here has commented that i've learned a lot in my relatively short time but if i really think about it i haven't tried as hard as i would like. if i did, i mean really put the effort in i could get the progress that i crave. make no mistake about it, its fuckin hard. Just a few moments before i wrote this i had to order a takeaway using just arabic. i am waiting with baited breath exactly what it is i end up with. The thing is my vocabulary is improving daily. the problem is when i am listening to them speak i might understand between 50 and 75 % of the words they are saying. however by the time i piece them together to actually come up with a sentence structure they've either walked off and given up on me or translated it to English if they are able to. I do have many friends who are helping me though, they try to only speak to me in arabic which although frustrating can only benefit. Others insist on only speaking in english to me despite the fact i try to speak in arabic to them. This results in what must be a hilarious conversation to anyone watching. i say something in crap arabic and he answers in crap english and it seems to go on like that until we run out of vocabulary. bizarre.
As some of you are aware, actually i think two of you, im returning to england all being well in june, just for six weeks though as i plan on visiting some new countries for the remainder of my holiday. I'm weighing up my options between Lebanon, Sudan and maybe Syria. I know what you're thinking, not exactly tourist hotspots. I might as well spend a peaceful weekend in Gaza City or a backpacking trek in The Afghani mountains while I'm at it. Seriously though these countries are within a few hours of here so I feel i should take advantage. I like to be original as you probably know. I mean how many people do you know who spent a summer drifting between Damascus, Darfur, Khartoum and Beirut. Sounds more like the scheduled workload of an international arms dealer.
Work in the last week has been essentially a piece of piss and we've resorted to having daily football matches amongst the staff in the afternoons. As ever i've managed to make myself the centre of attention though mostly not in positive ways. I said previously with regards to football and tackling that the Egyptians go down easier than a female guest at a Premiership Christmas party but its resulted in a few altercations between myself and my colleagues recently. I'm no patriot but i play football like i've been brought up to. The old English way of playing hard but fair, winter matches on mudbaths in West Yorkshire as a teenager taught me that. Here, they are more like the 7 year olds in our old school playgrounds who pick up the ball as soon as they've decided things havent gone their way. They've also come up with a new tactic directly with regards to me. I'm not an arrogant person(ahem!) but i think i wouldnt be lying if i said that on my day i'm a pretty decent footballer, in contrast I wouldnt be too harsh on myself if i said i had a pretty volatile temperament at times. Well, my dear colleagues have cottoned on to this fact and have installed a tactic of just basically trying to wind me up through the entire game both physically and verbally. The verbal aspect im not worried about nor the fair physical one but i have taken exception to being taken out in full flow on numerous occasions just because they realise they have no chance of catching me, one such incident ended with me in hospital have an x-ray on my wrist(nothing broken thankfully). Anyway I lost my temper in the latest match yesterday when I justifiably, at least in my opinion, called someone a 'fucking pussy'. Now normally i would be ashamed of using that kind of language if it wasn't for the fact that I said it in arabic, a feat im actually pretty proud of.... Anyway we'll see what happens next week, suffice to say im learning a few more swear words in anticipation of another explosive encounter!
Anyway I think thats enough from me for now. My old man is heading out next week and we're doing the tourist thing for the next couple of weeks so im sure ill have a few more tales by the time I'm next in touch. Hope you all are enjoying life and i'll see you all for my triumphant return in The Black Bull/O Neills/Compleat Angler/The Shepherd and Flock (delete where applicable).
Laters
Michael
Oh and just too prove my point about the difficulty of mastering the arabic language, its now been an hour and a half since i ordered that takeway. the call i'm about to make to them should be interesting! i wonder if i can use the 'fuckin pussy' line again??
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
The quarter yearly Egypt review
easy everyone,
well im back with another exciting piece of cairo life, though not so much of the beauty this time.
first of all i have to admit that the shorts have gone away and im also now sporting some trendy long sleeved numbers. the weather dropped to 18 degrees the other day, how can we be expected to live like this.
Its a combination of this as well as the lack of family and last minute shopping culture here that turned Christmas this year into the strangest one i've ever experienced, in fact i dont even think it can qualify as one. there was no queens speech, no glass of port and the great escape wasn't on the telly. i also missed out on brussell sprouts which constitutes as a breach of the geneva convention in my book(isnt there a clause about the rules of christmas in there?). some of you with a bit of knowledge about the population of this country might be questioning this(ie:calling me a liar) as you would be aware 10% of the population here are christians. well, almost inevitable when it comes to religion, the coptic christians here have a different christmas to the western faiths. here it falls on the 7th january.
on another front and probably more interesting, i have been able to sustain the good side of my personality so far here but my other side will come through eventually, im sure most of you are aware of the side i'm talking about, the very very slightly aggressive, arrogant side to my charms. mostly i've appeased it by shouting at the children but there are times when people are starting to piss me off.example, people trying to rob me due to the fact i'm foreign for example. doubling the price on haircuts, charging 100le more on a dinner, shit like that. one man, an old acquaintance of a friend of mine, fawned over me when he found out i was english, carrying my stuff etc. that it was actually quite disgusting. i know its probably a silly question but what the fuck does he want from me, does he think i'm stupid. i know plenty of people can fall for that, you do have to be on guard here, but i swear that aint gonna happen to me. sooner or later i am going to lose my temper and someone is going to receive some rather angry words in a language and accent that they in all likelihood wont understand.
I think the remergence of my aggressive side of my nature has surfaced due to my bewilderement and confusion over Egypt's and indeed the worlds greatest mystery, women.
First and foremost let me just say one thing, i know my female friends will be reading this, dont worry. this is an objective observation nothing more. I know ive made some controversial statements in the past but just bare with me.
First of all there are many beautiful women here in Egypt, this much is true. But things are very different here for very contrasting reasons and i have no idea whether i am coming or going. first things first, the majority of the muslim women here wear Hijabs(head scarves), this is to preserve their modesty which i respect. however they combine this with extremely tight jeans and tops that look like they've been painted on. where is the modesty in that! There are two(or four) types of woman here; devout Muslim and Christian women who won't consider talking to a suitor unless he has proposed marriage and those from both religions who date and want a bit of fun. Now listen, i'm not saying i want to act as a player, far from it. I talked a bit about that when i was in england joking around with some of you guys but in all honesty i just aint feelin it, and its got nothin to do with me flopping as i know thats what you're thinking. for the first time really i'd embrace a long term relationship but i have no idea how to get it. The girls either want to have some fun or want a ring on their finger, the search for the inbetween is an arduous one. In all honesty i have had some interest from a western girl but whats the fucking point. I dont want to sound crude but to use a rather offensive anology would you go to a restaurant in italy and order fish and chips? see where i'm going with this? anyhow related to this some prankster, and im sure its one of you guys, put my email to a profile on one of these egyptian dating sites combined with a very hot picture of an arab woman. i now have no shortage of requests for dates. some oilrich businessman has sent me a rather controversial video of himself so i could try my hand at extortion if the teaching doesn't work out. whoever did it, kudos i'm impressed but you have way too much time on your hands.
anyway i will try to spend a bit more time with a girl I genuinally like as a friend in the next couple of weeks, very modestly of course and with complete respect. Its not a disclaimer but I really don't mind being just friends, i'll let you know how that works out regardless. i have yet to receive a rejection here, it wont seem like home until i do to be honest. just one question, how do you chat to women sober?
just to let you know I'll be putting up some more pictures in the next few days after the new year, try to contain your excitement. this is gonna be another weird event. New year without a bottle of vodka, sloshing it round one of my mates houses causing havoc. I'm contemplating taking my pay and spending the night on the roof top bar at the Nile Hilton mixing with the elite. This would be a sure fire way to attract female attention but i dont have pockets deep enough to sustain the interest of some of those types of girls for more than a few hours.
on the work front im starting to get a bit tired of the shitload of paperwork im forced to do, im gonna honour my contract here but i have had a huge offer from another school for the new year with far less pressure teaching just seven students, SEVEN. this would be heaven after teaching two different sets of over 25. one good thing though is the experience i'm getting. if you start with the most difficult you're set to take on pretty much everything in my opinion. I'm excited about my future to be honest. I also picked up a second job tutoring an italian kid for a big hourly rate so prospects are good on that side. I know how lucky i am to be in my position. There will always be work for someone with my qualifications here, actually thats bullshit. There will probably always be work for any joker with a british accent regardless of teaching backgrounds. its good if you're that person but kind of fucked up as well. its an embarassing situation having to look someone in the eye when you know you earn more in a day or two than they do in a month. especially when they insist on paying for everything when you go out together. i had a girl who i know gets around 250le(25 quid) a month insisting on paying for my kosheree(egyptian dish)that cost 10le. you have to try and not think about it, in all honesty id like to do something good with my excess amount earned. part of me says dont be ashamed, the selfish side says take the money, enjoy yourself. the sensible part of me says pay off your student loan, this side however doesn't really get a word in most times it has to be said. the other side says give it to a charity, help a family or something. i think i'm gonna decide on sending money back to my family in eritrea, its about time i thought of someone else besides myself. i'm gonna save up the money required to get my relevant plane tickets to england and eritrea. i can live comfortably off about 20% of my salary so after certain things are paid the rest is free to put some smiles on faces. I've written this down here, not to come across as some philanthropist mother fucker but so i know that i really have to do it or my word wont mean shit in your eyes(though thats probably already the case). so make sure you ask me in a month whether i kept my word.
In other lighter news it was hilarious to watch Al Ahly(the biggest side here and in africa) get battered by some essais from Mexico City in the intercontinental cup last week. all the talk here was that this game was a formality and they were gonna show man utd how football should be played in the next round. not much was said after the mexican game, it put some things in percpective for some of them and has dented their confidence in the strength of egyptian football somewhat.
I'd say after three months the honeymoon period is over now and the novelty has worn off. its no longer feeling like a new egyptian life, its starting to feel like just life. That dreaded word routine has reared its head and my typical laziness has stepped in, getting up in the morning is just as difficult no matter what part of the world you are in. the one good thing is that i can change things up when i want to and do something new, visit a new place, meet some new people. things that i couldnt really do in london as my life was set in stone a little bit. my next big holiday is in February where i get about 12 days. im gonna be spending it travelling across egypt; in the desert the oasis, the beach, luxor and aswan. i'm gonna fit all that shit in, people are welcome to come though from what i hear of the financial crisis over there theres probably more chance of a rocket fired into israel actually hitting something important for a change. i know, not a tasteful comparision. apologies.
Its weird to think about it but as i was saying in my last blog i won't be in england till july at the earliest. i will have been out of my country for 9 months, things will have changed with you guys i'm sure. girlfriends and boyfriends might have come and gone, jobs likewise and a few extra wrinkles or pounds might have appeared in that time, hopefully for you not me. but i will just stroll in as if nothing has happened. the same thing can be said from your perspective. i was there one day, then i wasn't and now here i am again. no big deal and no realisation of all the shit that has happened in between. There might be a brief summary over a pint on the first night but it aint gonna go much further than that and nor can it. all the laughs, smiles and frowns of the time inbetween is just consigned to history and 'do you remember when' stories. weird, very fuckin weird. or maybe not i dunno.
Sorry i'm rambling, not really sure where that came from. besides knowing some of you procrastinating motherfuckers the only thing that will have changed is you're getting ten pence less change on a pint of Carlsberg these days! only jokin boys and girls.
anyways that pretty much wraps things up, i hope you all had an enjoyable new year and got so drunk that you made total fools of yourselves, stayed up till six, pissed the neighbours off and broke a load of shit to boot. well someone had to make up for my absence don't they?
peace out
Michael
well im back with another exciting piece of cairo life, though not so much of the beauty this time.
first of all i have to admit that the shorts have gone away and im also now sporting some trendy long sleeved numbers. the weather dropped to 18 degrees the other day, how can we be expected to live like this.
Its a combination of this as well as the lack of family and last minute shopping culture here that turned Christmas this year into the strangest one i've ever experienced, in fact i dont even think it can qualify as one. there was no queens speech, no glass of port and the great escape wasn't on the telly. i also missed out on brussell sprouts which constitutes as a breach of the geneva convention in my book(isnt there a clause about the rules of christmas in there?). some of you with a bit of knowledge about the population of this country might be questioning this(ie:calling me a liar) as you would be aware 10% of the population here are christians. well, almost inevitable when it comes to religion, the coptic christians here have a different christmas to the western faiths. here it falls on the 7th january.
on another front and probably more interesting, i have been able to sustain the good side of my personality so far here but my other side will come through eventually, im sure most of you are aware of the side i'm talking about, the very very slightly aggressive, arrogant side to my charms. mostly i've appeased it by shouting at the children but there are times when people are starting to piss me off.example, people trying to rob me due to the fact i'm foreign for example. doubling the price on haircuts, charging 100le more on a dinner, shit like that. one man, an old acquaintance of a friend of mine, fawned over me when he found out i was english, carrying my stuff etc. that it was actually quite disgusting. i know its probably a silly question but what the fuck does he want from me, does he think i'm stupid. i know plenty of people can fall for that, you do have to be on guard here, but i swear that aint gonna happen to me. sooner or later i am going to lose my temper and someone is going to receive some rather angry words in a language and accent that they in all likelihood wont understand.
I think the remergence of my aggressive side of my nature has surfaced due to my bewilderement and confusion over Egypt's and indeed the worlds greatest mystery, women.
First and foremost let me just say one thing, i know my female friends will be reading this, dont worry. this is an objective observation nothing more. I know ive made some controversial statements in the past but just bare with me.
First of all there are many beautiful women here in Egypt, this much is true. But things are very different here for very contrasting reasons and i have no idea whether i am coming or going. first things first, the majority of the muslim women here wear Hijabs(head scarves), this is to preserve their modesty which i respect. however they combine this with extremely tight jeans and tops that look like they've been painted on. where is the modesty in that! There are two(or four) types of woman here; devout Muslim and Christian women who won't consider talking to a suitor unless he has proposed marriage and those from both religions who date and want a bit of fun. Now listen, i'm not saying i want to act as a player, far from it. I talked a bit about that when i was in england joking around with some of you guys but in all honesty i just aint feelin it, and its got nothin to do with me flopping as i know thats what you're thinking. for the first time really i'd embrace a long term relationship but i have no idea how to get it. The girls either want to have some fun or want a ring on their finger, the search for the inbetween is an arduous one. In all honesty i have had some interest from a western girl but whats the fucking point. I dont want to sound crude but to use a rather offensive anology would you go to a restaurant in italy and order fish and chips? see where i'm going with this? anyhow related to this some prankster, and im sure its one of you guys, put my email to a profile on one of these egyptian dating sites combined with a very hot picture of an arab woman. i now have no shortage of requests for dates. some oilrich businessman has sent me a rather controversial video of himself so i could try my hand at extortion if the teaching doesn't work out. whoever did it, kudos i'm impressed but you have way too much time on your hands.
anyway i will try to spend a bit more time with a girl I genuinally like as a friend in the next couple of weeks, very modestly of course and with complete respect. Its not a disclaimer but I really don't mind being just friends, i'll let you know how that works out regardless. i have yet to receive a rejection here, it wont seem like home until i do to be honest. just one question, how do you chat to women sober?
just to let you know I'll be putting up some more pictures in the next few days after the new year, try to contain your excitement. this is gonna be another weird event. New year without a bottle of vodka, sloshing it round one of my mates houses causing havoc. I'm contemplating taking my pay and spending the night on the roof top bar at the Nile Hilton mixing with the elite. This would be a sure fire way to attract female attention but i dont have pockets deep enough to sustain the interest of some of those types of girls for more than a few hours.
on the work front im starting to get a bit tired of the shitload of paperwork im forced to do, im gonna honour my contract here but i have had a huge offer from another school for the new year with far less pressure teaching just seven students, SEVEN. this would be heaven after teaching two different sets of over 25. one good thing though is the experience i'm getting. if you start with the most difficult you're set to take on pretty much everything in my opinion. I'm excited about my future to be honest. I also picked up a second job tutoring an italian kid for a big hourly rate so prospects are good on that side. I know how lucky i am to be in my position. There will always be work for someone with my qualifications here, actually thats bullshit. There will probably always be work for any joker with a british accent regardless of teaching backgrounds. its good if you're that person but kind of fucked up as well. its an embarassing situation having to look someone in the eye when you know you earn more in a day or two than they do in a month. especially when they insist on paying for everything when you go out together. i had a girl who i know gets around 250le(25 quid) a month insisting on paying for my kosheree(egyptian dish)that cost 10le. you have to try and not think about it, in all honesty id like to do something good with my excess amount earned. part of me says dont be ashamed, the selfish side says take the money, enjoy yourself. the sensible part of me says pay off your student loan, this side however doesn't really get a word in most times it has to be said. the other side says give it to a charity, help a family or something. i think i'm gonna decide on sending money back to my family in eritrea, its about time i thought of someone else besides myself. i'm gonna save up the money required to get my relevant plane tickets to england and eritrea. i can live comfortably off about 20% of my salary so after certain things are paid the rest is free to put some smiles on faces. I've written this down here, not to come across as some philanthropist mother fucker but so i know that i really have to do it or my word wont mean shit in your eyes(though thats probably already the case). so make sure you ask me in a month whether i kept my word.
In other lighter news it was hilarious to watch Al Ahly(the biggest side here and in africa) get battered by some essais from Mexico City in the intercontinental cup last week. all the talk here was that this game was a formality and they were gonna show man utd how football should be played in the next round. not much was said after the mexican game, it put some things in percpective for some of them and has dented their confidence in the strength of egyptian football somewhat.
I'd say after three months the honeymoon period is over now and the novelty has worn off. its no longer feeling like a new egyptian life, its starting to feel like just life. That dreaded word routine has reared its head and my typical laziness has stepped in, getting up in the morning is just as difficult no matter what part of the world you are in. the one good thing is that i can change things up when i want to and do something new, visit a new place, meet some new people. things that i couldnt really do in london as my life was set in stone a little bit. my next big holiday is in February where i get about 12 days. im gonna be spending it travelling across egypt; in the desert the oasis, the beach, luxor and aswan. i'm gonna fit all that shit in, people are welcome to come though from what i hear of the financial crisis over there theres probably more chance of a rocket fired into israel actually hitting something important for a change. i know, not a tasteful comparision. apologies.
Its weird to think about it but as i was saying in my last blog i won't be in england till july at the earliest. i will have been out of my country for 9 months, things will have changed with you guys i'm sure. girlfriends and boyfriends might have come and gone, jobs likewise and a few extra wrinkles or pounds might have appeared in that time, hopefully for you not me. but i will just stroll in as if nothing has happened. the same thing can be said from your perspective. i was there one day, then i wasn't and now here i am again. no big deal and no realisation of all the shit that has happened in between. There might be a brief summary over a pint on the first night but it aint gonna go much further than that and nor can it. all the laughs, smiles and frowns of the time inbetween is just consigned to history and 'do you remember when' stories. weird, very fuckin weird. or maybe not i dunno.
Sorry i'm rambling, not really sure where that came from. besides knowing some of you procrastinating motherfuckers the only thing that will have changed is you're getting ten pence less change on a pint of Carlsberg these days! only jokin boys and girls.
anyways that pretty much wraps things up, i hope you all had an enjoyable new year and got so drunk that you made total fools of yourselves, stayed up till six, pissed the neighbours off and broke a load of shit to boot. well someone had to make up for my absence don't they?
peace out
Michael
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